The Real Way to Set a Goal

I discovered personal growth (now called self-improvement) back in 2010.

I had just left a gym and was in a rut. I thought self-improvement was just about feeling better…in the moment. I started watching Tony Robbins videos and reading his books (seriously).

I started gobbling up more and more. Bryan Tracy, Les Brown, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightengale, all the OGs.

The problem?

What was I going to do with all that information?

It also made me think that in order to be "successful" and make money I had to be a motivational speaker or an author (lol).

I was told to set goals.

"Nice! I can write whatever I want and I just have to work on it and I'll get it!"

I set way too many.

As with most humans, I had a hard time narrowing things down, so my attention was split.

(I also had things holding me back, but I'll talk about that in the next newsletter).

The other problem is when we set goals, we set them based on what we want. There are a few things between what we want and where we are now, like the work. But there's also a starting point that we ignore.

We set goals for the motivation of something we'll get. It motivates us to take action.

But if you don't know what you want or if that vision is vague and fuzzy because it doesn't exist yet, where do you start?

You start with where you are right now.

You start with what you don't want.

A Peek into the Dark Side

In Tim Ferriss' book The Four Hour Workweek, he starts you out with deciding what you want out of life. "Dream setting" (instead of goal setting). But he says that adults have a problem: ADD - Adventure Deficit Disorder.

Through the stresses of life or the replacement of meaningful hobbies with cheap dopamine, we lose meaningful goals.

Learn to dance?

Learn an instrument?

Learn a languages?

Meh, sounds like work. What's the point?

After giving up on your own goals or not thinking about setting new ones for years or decades, you just consider them all pipe dreams. Your "goal working" muscles fade.

The answer?

Don't treat your goals like a Christmas list.

Don't find the most expensive mansion in California and put it on a vision board.

Start smaller. But where?

Tim had you write down categories for goals: having, being and doing.

What do you want to have?

What do you want to be?

What do you want to do?

Here's the kicker.

If you were stuck in any of the categories, you had to write down what you fear or hate in each one and write down the opposite.

Brutal, but effective.

Dan Koe coined this "The Anti-Vision." A vision is nice, but it doesn't exist yet. The anti-vision is right in front of you. It also allows you to not plan too far out. A 3 month goal is more reasonable than trying to think about what you want 5 years from now. Losing 5lbs in a month is a lot different than trying to be 5% bodyfat.

As long as it's not a huge fancy goal (I want a sports car!), a meaningful goal is the opposite of what you don't like about yourself right now. Losing 20 pounds means you don't like your weight right now. Wanting to lift more weight means you don't like your current weaker state.

Use it.

Let the hatred flow through you.

Of course, you'll have to figure out the work that you enjoy, the thing that seems like hard work to others but you, in a weird way, enjoy it. There’s no point of setting a goal but using a method you hate. Find the middle ground.

Later on, it will be time to turn it into light-side energy. Something “self-transcending,” meaning beyond yourself. As you climb the ladder, always look back to the people that need your help behind you.

Lose the weight to be healthier for your family, to be able to play with your kids, to not need assistance as you age, to teach others to do the same.

The dark side and the light coming together as one.

(I like Star Wars if you can't tell.)

Dark Side Energy

Step 1: Write

Here's the simple question:

What do you fear or hate in your life right now?

This is where writing is powerful. Write out the major categories: health, wealth and relationships. Write down what you don't like in each one.

I'm here to help with health, so write that down. Let's focus on that.

Do you not like how much or little you weight? Do you want more muscle? Do you feel stiff all the time and low energy? Do you feel weak?

From that current pain point, what's the opposite?

Write out what you could do within 3-6 months. I like a shorter time frame because it forces you to not project too far out and too big of a goal can scare your brain and prevent you from taking any action at all. Make it simple.

Please write this down. Paper is great. At the very least just write it in the notes app on your phone. When it's in front of you, your brain gets to look at something "in your head." Now you can finally solve the problem with the creative side instead of using your brain to try to store and solve the problem at the same time.

Step 2: Make a plan…now

Based on the knowledge you already have in your head, write down a few things that can get you closer to your goal and start now or as soon as you can (tomorrow morning).

Don't start researching yet. If you can read this, you probably have at least some idea as to what to do to get where you want. It's probably something you know you should be doing anyway but just aren't.

Write these down and work on it for at least 30 minutes every day. Education doesn't matter if you don't identify the gaps you find along the way.

The rest of the time, if things aren't working or you're really confused, it's time to start learning. This is awesome because now you have the goal to frame the learning. Books, social media posts, blog articles and YouTube videos will start to pop out at you because your brain has something to look for.

Either way, don't let that slow you down from action.

So the formula is this:

1. Act for at least 10-30 minutes per day.

2. Learn if (more like when) you get stuck.

What's good about this is that if the plan is working and you're making progress, you don't have to worry about obsessively reading and learning more (unless you want to). But just know that even the best plan doesn't last forever or doesn't account for your personal situation. You might get stuck. You might not have 2 hours per day to devote to a workout. When that moment comes, you'll be in the habit of self education and know how to correct course.

All Habits Lead Somewhere…

As a bonus for extra motivation, just know that all habits lead you somewhere. If you want something, then your habits should reflect that goal, even if it takes a while to get there. If you have no clue what you want, you'll just do random habits, usually bad ones, but most of the time they're leading you to where you don't want to go.

Most people don't put this together.

We can assume now that your habits are bad if you've not living a life that you love. If the habits are good, the results will take time, but you know you the best.

Don't kid yourself.

Just think: if you keep doing the bad habits, where will that lead you?

Are there friends, family, neighbors or strangers on the street that are living the end stages of those habits?

Is that a future you want?

If not, then not acting in the opposite direction should scare you.

I don't want to be harsh, but we need to work on long term thinking.

Bad habits are usually for instant gratification, the opposite of long term thinking.

Think longer term. Then get to work.

Thanks for reading!

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See you in the next one.

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